


Five Phobias John Sheppard Doesn't Have

by pollitt



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, sga_flashfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-12
Updated: 2008-07-12
Packaged: 2017-10-05 14:51:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pollitt/pseuds/pollitt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John might suffer from coulrophobia (fear of clowns) and after the whole Iratus incident, he's got a touch of entomophobia (fear of insects), but there are a lot of things John <em>isn't</em> afraid of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Phobias John Sheppard Doesn't Have

**Author's Note:**

> Definitions taken from [The Phobia List](http://www.phobialist.com/reverse.html). Thank you to [](http://maverick4oz.livejournal.com/profile)[**maverick4oz**](http://maverick4oz.livejournal.com/) for her mad beta skills, for insisting suggesting we play in flashfic-land, and for being the awesome cheerleader that she is.

**I. Isolophobia (Fear of being alone)**

For someone who grew up with a family, immediate and extended, and a full household staff, John had perfected the art of being alone from a very young age. School had been the best of the best in private education and never the local, public schools where his friends and neighborhood kids had attended. At home there had been solitary sports--golf, show jumping, tennis (always singles, never doubles because you could only rely on yourself, a teammate or partner could only ever bring you down) and the isolation that came with a privileged life. In the Air Force John had learned to trust his brothers in arms, but in the end, he'd always known the only person he'd be left with was himself. He's never feared that fate, had seen it come to pass with his own eyes.

Until McKay appeared.

John doesn't fear being left alone, but since first stepping through the Gate, since finding his home among the people of Atlantis, he's come to realize that he doesn't _want_ to be alone. That he doesn't have to be. That he isn't alone, and he never will be again.

 

**II. Astrophobia (Fear of celestial spaces)**

John fell in love with the stars while sitting at the window of his room. The telescope had been an early birthday present from his parents and from the moment it was set into place with a clear view of the night sky John had longed to fly, to explore the stars.

That boy might never have imagined the wonders that the man would grow up and see, but it wasn't from lack of trying.

In another galaxy, with spaceships, satellites and deep space sensors at his fingertips, it's impossible--completely, absolutely, utterly and totally out of the question--for John _not_ to take to the stars.

 

**III. Thanatophobia (Fear of dying)**

When John was nine, his best friend Scout had died when he'd been hit by a car while attempting to catch the baseball John had thrown. The ball had sailed over Scout's head and into the road. Scout didn't see the car until it was too late. The driver of the car had gently lifted Scout into the back seat of his car and drove them--John cradling Scout's head, gently petting Scout's muzzle as the tears clouded his vision--home. It's an age-old story; to the point that it's almost a cliche, but it was the first time that John had felt the weight of another's life depending on his own.

John hasn't feared what happens after life. He'd prefer, when death happens, for it to be quick and hopefully painless, but if he can save lives, even just one life, then he's willing to take that risk.

 

**IV. Arithmophobia or Numerophobia (Fear of numbers) **

It's not that words are hard to come by, or understand, or even say (except when they are), it's just that numbers have always _fit_, always make sense, have never been hard to express or figure out.

Numbers are like Rodney, infinite and full of possibility.

They say nothing is absolute but numbers are, can be. With them, just like with Rodney, there's no interpretation necessary if you know how to read them.

 

**V. Homophobia (Fear of homosexuality or of becoming homosexual)**

When he's nervous or thinking or in the middle of a project, Rodney chews on the side of his thumb, near the nail. John had noticed that from the beginning, had noticed almost everything about Rodney right from the moment he'd looked up from the chair and Rodney had been a flash of orange asking John to picture where they were in the universe.

Back then it had been an observation, an assessment of the people who would be part of the expedition, part of his team.

Now that image comes with a more intimate knowledge--the way Rodney's pupils will shrink as he stops thinking about everything _else_ and looks and finally _sees_ John, how the torn skin of Rodney's finger will feel as it catches on John's jaw, and the taste of each inch of Rodney's skin as John undresses him.

It's a risk (although he's only breaking regs if he _tells_, but more and more, he wants to) giving his heart to Rodney. The life they live, in the stars, with the infinite number of possible deaths waiting around every corner, isn't made for an easy happily ever after, but the alternative, not having Rodney there beside him is his greatest fear. That's the one risk he's unwilling to face, but when he looks at Rodney and sees the same need reflected in his eyes, John's pretty sure he'll never need to.

/end

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [One additional phobia John Sheppard does not have (Ronon, however, is another story)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/42900) by [pollitt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pollitt/pseuds/pollitt)




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